I am very bored of this blog... so goodbye to u all!!

and u all smell....apart from my my 4 bestest mates (u no hu u r!)

i'm never talking to any of u again....

me and sho are having a suicide of blogs. they have both decided they r sick of our lives and have been forced into madness....and have made a suicide pact. but don't worry me and sho r gonna be here FOREVER!!!! heh heh!

at the mo me and shomus are in GLASGOW!!!!!!! having a rather grand time. been shopping a lot, i got a rather grand slayer top. bit tight so gonna loose weight to fit into it. o and been on a boat trip on the waverley. quite grand. and we r off to see Every time I die 2morow night. THe best thing is NO parents!! nah i love it here!

Toodles 4ever!!!

better leave me a goddbye message to show u care or my blog will come and haunt u in its afterlife!

bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i feel ugly...

anyway i've had a lovely day, just been given lots of hugs by 2 dear mates of mine...and now i'm getting ready to go to ricks house. WOOOOHOOOOO  But it's too hot... Oh i hate the heat.

I got a slight problem...I'm going out with a grrrrrrrreat guy but i really like some1 else...a lot. it really not good. I think i'l try and stay away from him for a bit, untill i stop liking him... but i like having him around he really cheers me up.

And i'm gonna be a clever girl tomorow and sort something out! soemthing i should have sorted out ages ago. my problem is that i'm too nice and too gullible, i believe people too easily. but no more being nice. i'm gonna sort it out untill it gets out of hand. But i don't think i'l follow the advice i've just been given by paddy (wich was rather violent) one thing i have come to realise is that violence really does not solve anything.

Trying to be a good lil girl at home, i even made my mum a cup of tea out of my own free will (?!) cos hopefully i will be going to kt's house this weekend.

anyway i gotta go.

bi bi xxxx

It amazes me how some things change very often and very quickly and some things...well they hardly change, but when they do you know its for the best. Well I usually HAE change but this change, will be for the best and it will be the final change.

I have given Kt her sweatband back because thanx to her and a few others I no longer need it. I have finally realised how stupid what I was doing was so yeah... I ain't done it in ages (my mates will know what I am on about) and I've promised myself never EVER to do it again. I no I said I would stop before but that time was for the people around me...incase I lost them. This time I have chosen to do it for myself, not for anyone else. No matter how bad things may seem I'll look a bright said and as one of my mates once told me if I think there is no bright side then I wil try to make one. Things ain't improved much at home or at school but they have definately improved with  my friends.

All the bad shit that happenes, well I guess I deserve it, but I finally realise that I was dealing eith things in the wrong way.Yeah, I'm a weak person, inside and out but not anymore if i can help it. I'll change(again) only this time for the better. I won't let people get the better of me anymore. I won't hurt myself to get back at anyone ever again.

I guess I owe it all to my friends. I went through a period of time (not that long ago actually) where either I was falling out with people, or they were falling out with me. Now I am much happier because I have finally managed to sort things out with all but one of those people.and that 'one' well she knows who she is...I just want her to no how much happier I am without her, I don't need a friend like that. This year, well I actually feel as if I have grown up. So I just wanna say a BIG thanx to all my mates especailly a few who have been there for me when i really needed someone. I love you all.

And I have a very great boyfriend (sho and co. no it's not who you are most proabably thinking of. I think i am gettign over him.) hu I love to bits and hope that he loves me back just as much, and he is the bestest. But no! I will not tell you hu he is cos u all smell. Sorry I didn't mean that. I...well... WE have decided not to tell anyone cos well, thigs are more special if it is kept secret. It means more if you two are the only ones to know.

So yeah thanx everyone and i love you all =)

Please comment as this took me a long time to type and now my hands hurt.

Love Gothikgurlxxxx

I think i'l put some pictures up....

One of my fav films...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/nightmareb4xmas2.bmp" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/nightmareb4xmas2.bmp" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

Me and my bestest  mate sho... ( a VERY bad one of me. I'd advise you not to look at it. )

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/FOXYLADIES.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/FOXYLADIES.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

Alex... (ain't spoken to her in ages. miss her...)

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/pwincesslexy.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/pwincesslexy.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

Me and mel...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/huggles.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/huggles.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

SCARY!!!!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/melseye.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/melseye.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

Makes me cry...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/lil" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/lil" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20pics/flytogether.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

The preety van's i'm getting

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/vansiwant.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/vansiwant.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

anyway i can't be bothered to write anything much.

Bi bi gothikgurlxxx

Realised how much i love my lil sis today. i was watching her play and she saw me looking at her and started laughing then came ova and gave me a kiss. I know she's only 2 but she has already has a great personality. I know it sounds sad, but when i feel depressed i sometimes sit and talk to her. she says yes/no/it's allrite in all the rite places.I doubt she understands half of what i say, but it feels like she does. Now i'm sat here watching her sleep and i realise how much i care for her and how glad i am that she is here. even tho i'm horrid to her sometimes she means more than the world to me.

anyway enough bout mel. I was thinking just a bit before, its strange how different people can make u fele differet emotions.

I've got a friend who i feel is only using me to make friends with other people. I don't see a point in that. i thought she did like me turn's out she only likes my mates.now she makes me feel so worthless and angry.

I've got another friend who i considered to be a best mate despite a few set backs. and i was truly happy wen i made friends with them. now she is beign such a horrid spiteful 2 faced cow. To my face she is so nice and sweet, but as soon as i turn my back she bitches bout me. a LOT! i've even heard her do it a few times. now that really really upset me. if i don't like someone then i tell them to their face. why can't people just do the same to me?

But then there's another person i no (once again i'm not gonna say any names) and when i'm around them i feel so happy and i dunno like wen i'm around him nothin can go wrong for that moment and nothing else matters. Just beign around him makes me so happy. but then i think and i realise how i have no chance with him and how he probaly dosn't even like me as a mate. and that upsets me, a lot.

My mates well... what can i say they r the greatest and i love them with all my heart. I've come to value them a lot more now that i ahve finally realised who my real mates are and who the posers are. i owe so much to my mates. especially a few who have stuck with me through everything... I'd be lost without them. and without a few i wouldn't be here this very day to say all this stuff. my mates make me feel so happy and wanted. i finally feel as if i fit in somewhere. i love u all!

and as for those fakes/bitches/users well i don't care anymore. i don't care if i lose them as mates. i no hu my real mates are and i no who'll stick by me no matter what i do. i'm not trying to be anything/anyone and i most certainly am not out to please anyone.

sorry this post is a bit long. i doubt anyone wil read it lol.

bi bi gothikgurlxxxxxxx

at school in english. o i hate english. sat next to my dear friend ruby =) and feelin rather happy. missed all my mates so glad to c them again. not too pleased bout seein a few teachers tho.

was feeling preety upset at the weekend. didn't help that i had a v. bad tummy ache that was makin me puke. lol. feel ton's better and HAPPY! now tho.

feel tiny bit upset tho. was lookin forward to seeing someone today and they not here. i dunno just beign around that person makes me feel happy. god i'm pathetic.

and these ass-likin townie's i used to be mates with we're lookin down thir noses at me. I hate people lookin down their nost @ me and judgn me.

miss williams has just had a go @ me for not doin enough work. =(

anyway better go b4 i get caught.

bi bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HELLO MY PEOPLE....

o life is preety damn fine! feelin rather happy.

but a tiny bit anoyed. tryin to ring moe and there is no answer. need to no iof she can come 2morow or not.... hope she can. i'll try again in a bit. would txt her but hae no credz. =(

anyway before that ruins my good mood..... i'm happy..... young,free and single.

got school on mon. the hols finish so quickly it not fair. actually i don't mind it that much. i have missed all of my mates *huggles all mates* actually they most probably ain't missed me. i  mean would i miss me?

anyway my dear people i gotta love you and leave u.

toodle pip xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

i feel rather happy, but a bit evil, confused and sily at the same time. I'm sat here thinking why the hell did I dump jake? I have no chance with the person I like, i'm only friends with him and i really doubt he even likes me as a mate.

Had another argument with my parents, god! they really are out to wreck my life. Have a fukin lot of babysittign this week cos my mum has these 'important' exams after the hols. i mean i don' c y i am the only one expected to look after her, i don't see y my dad can't.

watched this film called 'thirteen' the other nite! fukin hell i HATE that film it is so fukin depressin it had me in tears for about 1 hour. and i don't cry at films. never have b4.

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!!! hope u had a great one!

anyway better go!

toodle pip

gothikgurl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i'm such a horid person, i've just dumped jake! it is the first time i have ever dumped some1 and i feel horrid. it's not that i don't like him, i do, a lot... but i've come to realise i only like him as a friend...nothing more!

anyway i'm happy cos i'm allowed back on msn again.i've pathche things up with my parents again.

anyway g2g

bi bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

Had a lovely day today. had no fallouts, no arguments with teachers...

my dear friend kt has given me a rather preety sweatband. *huggles kt* if u read this than THANKU!

and i am about to go and meet my lil jake who is the bestest boyfriend ever!only prob is he lives in preston =( o well, he is comin down to c me =) yay!

anyway g2g. dn't wanna b late

bi bi

i think at the moment my title sums me up preety well. Things are all fucked up. I've lost a great friend, someone i really cared about. i just hate it wen people bitch. i mean if i don't like some1 then i will tell them to their face. i guess i just got sick of things. i no i shoull,dn't have said all the things i did but i'm just sick of keeping things in. if that person reads this i'm sorry....

my dad is back now but things are sour between them. they r really distant and keep on fightin. and i hate it.

this weekedn was k, but if i wasn't suck a horrid spiteful cow it could have been better, much better!

in ict now and i done no work yet and there is 5 mins left. woops.

g2g bi bi gothikgurl xxx

life was goign so dam fine. y do things have to change all of a sudden. i don't wanna say everything on here .but life is preety messed up at the mo at home, at school and i hate it!

I hate the way things have to change and how peopel fite over the silliest things.

I hate the way how i can't stop thinking about some1.

I hate the way girls can b really bitches sometimes.

I HATE CHANGE, I HATE SCHOOL, I HATE SOEM PEOPLE.

oh and another thign i hate people looking down their nose at me and thinkin they r better than me.

anyway i better go.

wish i could go away to a land and b who i wanted to be and not b hu some1 else wants and i had no one to depend on, no one to have a go at me, no one to upset me....

today is really not my day. had a fite with my parents this morning. Came into school at about 9:30. had an argument first thing with my science teacher. then had one with my pe teacher. he sent me off to sit in the middle of the field all on my own. and then i just burst out crying and i couldn't stop. i really embarresed myself today. first time at school i have cried in front of everyone =(

and walker upset me yesterday. he tought it would be funny to scratch at my arm with his compass and it just bought back all this shit frm wen i was all messed up.

anyway i feel a tad bit better now.

i gotta go bi bixxxxxxx

life is crazy at the mo. Things are actually going quite well at the moment =). Made freidns with sho again. i was ebing a real bitch 2 her. but cos she is so awesome she forgave me. Had a very bad headache yesterday tho. but i am fine now....

I was being a very good big sis 2day, i brought my lil sis some new colthes; a lil pink dress, soem mini baby skater jeans and a white top with blue flowers on. Then i took her to the park but fell flat on my face cos i tripped over this kerb thingy. =( not good. but hey it made her laugh.

came home after that practsed my guitar 4 a bit, and am now listening to cradle of filth and getting ready to go 2 my dear friend nikki's house.

Feel quite confused cos i really really like this guy. decided to not tell any1 who it is this time tho. i think i have told 3 of my friends but i trust them not to tell...if they do i shall eat them. it not fair, i don't think he likes me in that way at all, i don't even think he likes me as a friend...but he does talk to me and i guess is nice to me.... nah he probably feels sorry 4 me.... i mean y else would he talk to me? he hates me....

anyway g2g. or i will be really late and that would not be good.

bi bi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx&nb sp;

At school in english very bored! managed to break a glass beaker in science and everyone laughed at me =( I hate school. my teacher just had a go at me.At least its friday.Get to see charlie in a few hours. Yay! actually had quite a good day and have finally decided what i am getting moe as a present.

anyway gotta go. bi bi

I'm such a bad friend! first i forget my friends birthday, then i only reason that my friend has had her hair cut even tho she had it cut a few weeks ago, and i think i upset her=(

Made friends with most of the people i had fallen out with, except for one cos i'm not ready to forgive her yet. i trusted her and she just threw it back in my face. But friends with, kat, Dee, Hannah and some other people.

might be staying ova at nikki's this weekend. =)

apart from that not much but i have a lovely boyfriend Charlie who is taking me out for diner soemtime this week. 

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/12353.gif" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/12353.gif" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/15688.gif" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/15688.gif" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

 me

bi bi luv gothikgurl xxx

oh life, so i managed to loose someone that i really did think was one of my best ever friends, and been told everyone hates me and someone else told me to do eevryone a favour and kill myself, yeah life's good. but you no for once i don't actually give a shit, if people are gonna be that way then let them, i'm no longer out to please others. I'm sick of trying to be accepted!! I'm sick of all those 2faced , motherfuckers that i no. like the other day there's me all happy cos i learned how to play smoke on the water and one of my old close friends makes me feel shit and tells me they can play something 2x as good. i don't care, maybe i'm not as good as you. People are so ful of bullshit and i refuse to care anymore. i spent most of my life trying to please other people and trying to be liked. but u no out of all of my friends half of them didn't like me for me, and now all of those friends well, they've gone. WHAT WAS THE POINT????? i really don't no, u no if this means i have absaloutely no friends then so be it... I don't want to fall out with anybody and to everyone that i have well, i'm sorry. But if you've all decided to hate me then i guess well, there's not much i can do.

And to everyone that is still mates with me thanx and i love all of you soooooo much.

bi bi luv gothikgurlxxx

another day, another person having a go at me. Oh well, i just feel like shouting at them to shutup but i shall for once control my anger. i don't really care tho at the mo. they can go fuck themselves. 

oh and i've made frinds with kat again.if u read this i'm sorry and i love you.

and i'm qwuite plesed with myself cos i actually said SORRY, to someone well actually 2 people,i guess i owed both an apology i'm sorry.

apart from  that let me think cos i ain't written in ages, erm, oh it was ruby's bday a few days ago, HAPPY BDAY HUN.soz it's a bit late, got her a necklace and a sweatband. and...oh i sartyed ova at my dear friend nikiki's house the other day and that was great, thanx for inviting me.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/DSC00042.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/DSC00042.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

my dear friend nikki.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/meleaandsho003.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/meleaandsho003.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

another dear 2 friends sho and lea.

ugh its me...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/ugly.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/ugly.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/lilbeasts.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/lilbeasts.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

my 2 lil cousins. love them to bits they are very sweet

and a picture that cheers me up,

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/Joeyguitar2.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/gothikgur l/Joeyguitar2.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al..." alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

*drools*

anyway bi bi love gothikgurl xxxx

oh well life.. i don't no wednesday was SHIT!!! spent all day/night and thurs crying but i can't cry anymore, it doesn't really feel like anythign, just feel numb...

there are a few people i need to thanx for getting me throiught these last few days:

SHO:thanx for coming around everynight and cheering me up, ur the greatest friend ever.

NIKKI: thanx for all the advice and comign to see me,

GAVIN: dude thanx for eveything, and thanx for the favour u no wat i mean, and the SUIT!!! lol.and thanx for listening without judging

SAM:I'm really sorry for having a go at u today, i didn't mean it, please don't be mad at me.

and also:ALLY,KAT(kat i no wat u said and i'm sorry i did it, very sorry),MORAG,KT(moe and kt really looking forward to the sleepova and thanx for listenign aswell)PADDY,JJ(hope the lesson's went well, lol)CHARLIE,KYLE,JIMMI,JA KE,JADE,RICK,JESSIE,RUBY( happy bday hun), EVIE, CHELSEA(miss u lots)

and if there is anyone else i forgot to mention, i'm sorry, and i LOVE ALL OF U!!!THANKU ALL SO MUCH!!!!

oh and i need to say sorry to a few people ( u no hu u r)i din't mean any of wat i said. SORRY!!!

oh and this bit is to jo, i no ur gonna think i'm all sad and pathetic but hey.. so jo, u no it all still feels like a joke but i no it's not. i never got a proper chance to say bye, but just want u to no that i really miss u and that i love you. u were the greatest friend a person could ever ask for. bi bi luv t xxx

anyway this has got too emotional i'd better go. bib iluv gothikgurlxxx

oh i hate being ill, got very bad tummy ache and keep on puking, it's not nice, anyway so i get today off, wich is good cos i can't focus on anything...

i wonder if u can die from vomiting *ponders*  hmmmm........

anyway i better go, i feel sick again,

bi bi gothikgurl xxx

life is preety crazy lately. was in Kendal with Sam yesterday and we kinda saw danny and he was being really over the top and getting jealous and accusing me of all this stuff. i mean i would never ever cheat on danny, on anyone, its just not me! then last night when i got back home danny rang me and then we kinda ended up arguing and i got really mad and said some stuff i shouldn't have. but now everything is over between me and him. it just really annoyed me that he thought he owned me and that he didin't trust me. oh yeah and i saw my dear lil morag yesterday looking very foxy. and then last night sho stayed ova at mine. i feel lonely and upset but i also feel happy like i did the right thing. all my friends will be happy now tho they never liked him. but i didn't do it for them, i did it for me, for once i did something not cos people wanted me to but cos i wanted to.

anyway better go bi bi. gothikgurlxxx

yay!got my internet back!So life lately... let me think well on wednesday it was Sho's bday!HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE! so stayed at hers. babysitting mel at the monent. she keeps on hitting me*sobs* its nice to know i'm hated. oh yeah and i made a new friend yesterday. I finally met Eve yesterday.she's cool but io'm not too sure that she liked me... oh yeah and i stupidly said yes to going back out with danny again. i'm glad tho cos i really like him. but i think he might dump me for hannah. i dunno no. got given this diary thing i'm supossed to write in by kate. been writing in that laetly even tho i told her i was gonna throw it away as soon as i got home. i was gonna throw it but something inside me said i should keep it. found it again last night and writinbg  down how i felt did help. its like a place where i can say what i want without people getting annoyed at me. anyway i'd better go.

bi bi luv gothikgurlxxx

I am actually really really really happy. cos one of my very good friends had been run over and was in a coma but this morning he came out of the coma. oh i love him to bits. but he has a broken arm and a fractured arm but he not gonna die. o shit i was so upset yesterday i really thought he was gonna die. gonna go and see kyle soon. GET BETTER SOON KYLE!!!!!!

oh and i'm also happy cos KAT IS BACK!!!! missed her a lot when she was gone. actually she came back quite a bit ago but i never got the chance to rite it here. i gave her some presents when she came back!  kat if u read this soz they were not much and i hope u liked them.

apart from that not much but i feel very very happy!!!

o and just wanna say thanx to all of my friends cos i no i've been a bitch lately nd i've been really depresing but i am very very sorry. and i love all of u lots and lots,. so thanx for beng there... nto gonna say any names but u no hu u r!love u all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

and i've got a question to ask. if u really liked this dude but u were good friends with him would u tell him how u felt. i'm not gonna say any names so if any1 no's hu i'm on about please don't say his name. or i will eat u!!!

bi bi luv gothikgurlxx

o.k so before i forget just need to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my good friend chelsea. hope u had a good one hun. *huggles chels*

i've been ill this weekend and still have a sore throat and a bad tummy.and someone who i thought was a very good friend has kinda made it iobvious that they hate me and want me dead.  today is one of those days were i don't wanna be me. was quite happy yesterday dyed sho's hair for her this very preety dark purple coulour and i actually manged to do something right for once.

at school sat with chels and some other people but i don't  no i feel like i'm not here with them. i no i'm being stupid... but o i don't no .

anyway better go. bi bi luv gothikgurlxx